tlog part five

ACT TWO, SCENE ONE

The light brightens to reveal a pink ward reception desk, surrounded by the usual ward reception desk junk: flowers, cards, staplers, boxes selling lollies fundraising for another obscure cause. There is a gigantic clock overlooking all of this. The clock reads six am. There is no one about. Silence is total. It lingers on for a few more seconds, and then GALAXY walks on to the stage. He is wearing scrubs. His hair is very messy. There is a massive bit sticking up at the back but he is oblivious. His shoulders are more drooped, his gait more shuffled, his back more bent. This is a man exhausted and resigned to his horrible fate.

GALAXY
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck…

VOICEOVER
Dr Wong to ward two north please. Repeat, can Doctor Asteroid Wong come to ward two north immediately!

GALAXY
FUCK!

GALAXY runs off towards one end of the stage and disappears. He reappears at the other end and stops at the reception desk. It remains deserted. He looks about. He is confused. He returns the way he came and disappears off the other end of the stage. At this point GINGER, our buxom Irish nurse strolls on to the stage and settles down behind the reception desk. From off the stage we hear…

GALAXY
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

GALAXY runs onto stage and stops dead. He sees GINGER. She gives him a measured look. He grins sheepishly.

GALAXY
Hi GINGER.

GINGER
(Full of ice and sarcasm) Good morning Doctor Wong. Nice of you to come along. We always wait upon your eminence's pleasure.

GALAXY
Uh… sorry I'm late I was uh busy uh picking up little bits of rubbish off the floor.

GINGER
Whatever. Here (shoves some paperwork in front of him) sign here and here and here.

GALAXY
What is this?

GINGER
(He is too stupid to live) Drug orders.

GALAXY
Why does Mrs Calloway need ten grams of ondansetron?

GINGER
She is feeling nauseous.

GALAXY
Uh. Ten grams?

GINGER
She is feeling very nauseous.

GALAXY
Uh. I don't know. Can I look up MIMS?

GINGER
Suit yourself.

GINGER drops the paperwork on the floor and walks back behind the desk. Paper scatters everywhere. GALAXY looks after GINGER incredulously, sighs, and bends over to pick up all the paperwork.

At this point WAXY virtually skips on to the stage from behind GALAXY, whistling to himself. He is wearing a suit. He knows he looks good. He knows this is his domain. He is very pleased with himself. He walks up to GALAXY, looks down at him scrambling to pick up bits of paper, winds back and gives him a massive kick on the arse.

GALAXY
FUCK!

WAXY
What are you doing on the floor you scum? Why are you picking up little bits of paper? That's the nurse's job you poor little fool! We have patients to see! How will I get to theatre if you fuck around like this? (Shakes head in disgust)

GALAXY
(Picking himself up from off the floor) I didn't drop…

WAXY
No matter. Let's go.

GALAXY
I've got to…

WAXY
Come on! (Marches off towards the end of the stage)

GALAXY
Uh…

GALAXY scrambles to sign off his drug charts and then rushes off after WAXY. GINGER looks after them with contempt.

GINGER
Bloody doctors.

VOICEOVER
Doctor Wong to ward two north please. Repeat, Doctor Dwarf Star Wong to two north immediately.

GALAXY runs on to stage.

GALAXY
Uh hello GINGER did you want something?

GINGER
I didn't page you.

GALAXY
Right. So… do you know who did?

GINGER
No.

GALAXY
Okay…

GALAXY isn't sure what to do. He does the little lost boy routine. He looks around. He is exuding hopelessness and vulnerability. GINGER simply ignores him. Finally, GALAXY decides it's not working, turns suddenly, and marches off to one end of the stage. But as soon as he is gone from view, we hear:

VOICEOVER

Respond blue, ward two north. Respond blue, ward two north. I repeat, respond blue, ward two north.

GALAXY runs on to the stage. He stops at the edge, suddenly realises that perhaps he does not want to be the first person to a code blue. He proceeds to takes large small steps towards the reception desk, but there is no one else coming. GINGER is in a fluster, trying to find the patient's folder. She sees GALAXY approaching.

GINGER
Doctor Wormhole! Doctor Wormhole! Quick -

GALAXY
Before you say anything, I should point out I have been a doctor for a mere three months, and the chance of me successfully resuscitating this patient is less than zero. The fact of the matter is, I may do more harm than good. Now where is this patient?

GINGER
Uh. Bed seventeen.

GALAXY
Take me to him! March!

GINGER
Her. It's Mrs Diou.

GALAXY
Oh no! It's the cat!

The other end of the stage lights up to reveal a cut out of a cat on the hospital bed. The cat is upside down, with its legs sticking up towards heaven. This cat is very sick. GINGER rushes to the bedside and busies herself looking helpless and distraught. GALAXY, on the other hand, stands at the end of the bed, also looking helpless and distraught.

GALAXY
(To himself) The first thing to do at a scene of an arrest is to take one's own pulse. (Does so) Hmm, I'm a little tachycardic.

GINGER
Aren't you going to do something?

GALAXY
Sounds like a good idea. Let's see… DR ABC… D… D… Danger. Is there any danger?

GINGER
What?

GALAXY
Except for the useless psycho bitch with the good set of jugs standing over there, I should say not. Next comes R. Response. (Walks up to the cat) Mrs Diou! MRS DIOU! Can you hear me? I'm Doctor Wong! (Does the sternal rub) Are you alright Mrs Diou?

Mrs Diou definitely does not seem alright.

GALAXY
Right, no response. Airway. Airway. (He peers into the cat's mouth) Ergh. Vomitus, the bane of my existence. Woe is me! Now how does this suction thing work?

GALAXY struggles with lengths of plastic tubing. He is trying to find the end of the tube, the tip of the suction device, but the tubing seems endless. He fumbles and loses his place, and has to start again. It is at this point that WAXY strides onto the stage.

WAXY
What is happening here?

GALAXY
Uh, Mrs Diou is a 47 year old cat who presents with -

WAXY
What? I thought there was a code blue?

GINGER
Oh yes! Quick! Mrs Diou is unresponsive! She is dying!

WAXY
Right!

He springs into action, peering intently all over the cat. Suddenly he winds his arm back and delivers a blow to its abdomen. GALAXY and GINGER jumps back and gasps.

MRS DIOU
Meow!

Blackout