it's official

thommo and taisia are engaged.

it went better than they'd planned. dinner at crown. down on one knee on the stairs (water drop fountain, symphonic background, blue lights). a treasure hunt leading him to a hotel room. woo hoo!

*

two more days to go. twenty-eight hours of cover. *fingers crossed* be good to me, o lord of surgical cover! gimme lots of hugs from inga, giggles with sue, and lollies from dee. no codes. NO CODES! please please please...

dropped around the qe for a handover from karina.they were throwing her a going away arvo tea. it was good to see all the crew again, especially those beautiful gandarra girls. getting down to business, i realised how much i have learnt over this year. and how much i have remained the same. i'm still keening for the good fight. i am home.

fritter and waste

i'm counting down the days until surgery is over. actually, i was feeling a little guilty the other day, that i haven't really thrown myself into this rotation. i know surgery isn't my thing. but i think i would've gotten a lot more out of it, if i'd put more effort in. you only get out what you put in. while i can say i've genuinely tried to make the ward run smoothly, at the same time, i have tried to do as little surgical things as possible. i have never offered to close. i have never offered to scrub in. instead, i've encouraged so many of the students take my place in theatre that the bosses have started insisting i scrub in for at least a few cases.

i should be more aware of what opportunities i'm offhandedly throwing away...

mental health days

we motored a big triangle from ballarat south west to lake bolac (had a chiko roll), then north to ararat (a very ordinary rocky road slice), and eastwards back to ballarat. a good thirsty thursday at the lake mansion (pickups and spews golore). washed my sheets (extra fabric softener and few hours in the sun). walked around the lake listening to smashing pumpkins. drove back to melbourne and hung out with dunno in st kilda. woke up early and had maccas and read the paper in the park, with the sun on our arms and necks. fish and chips with thommo and taisia on the beach. wandered around lygon street with megs then dinner in hawthorn with pete. beers and rage with aaron and brumbles. i feel rejuvenated!

burn out

the last two weeks have really taken it out of me:
- the dramatic codes on my surgical cover weekend;
- working through a moderately severe viral illness;
- my registrar going away for two weeks;
- covering for other interns who were sick or away;
- one of my favourite patients dying unexpectedly;
- struggling against my consultants refusing to let one of my patients die.

i like to think i'm usually a fairly competent and caring doctor. but last night on my cover evening i found myself not caring. i hate it when i'm like that. i had a chat to kate, my cover buddy (she covers the medical units while i look after the surgical ones), and she explained it so well. we invest so much emotional energy into our job, our patients, and usually we are rewarded in return. our patients and their families trust us, people get better, getting things organised and running smoothly. but when we get a run of futile tasks, our patients dying or not getting better, running around in circles making and then cancelling surgical lists and radiology investigations due to factors outside our control, we get frustrated, and burn out.

so today i called in sick. slept in. went and saw my gp. cooked up a massive lunch full of green veges, tomotoes and mushrooms. did a load of washing. going for a drive with jonno. planning to play tennis with kate. perhaps a few drinks later at thirsty thursday. perhaps not. turn in early. do my arts assignment tomorrow. wash my sheets. clean the house. go visit dunno in melbourne. it will be good for me.

grand final day

we sat out the back in the glorious weather, pouring beers down our throats and with the barbeque sizzling, watching the grand final with a million other melburnians. it was a hotly contested game with a cut-throat finish. we shouted ourselves hoarse at the television. at half time we stumbled, drunk and deliriously happy, to a nearby park and kicked the footy around. afterwards, we packed into cars and onto bars, sang along to classic music videos and the live band, dancing and carrying on into the early hours of the morning. it was how a grand final day was meant to be.