culture shock

just came back from the tsu-ching camp and straight away had a smoke and some coffee. need to prepare myself for the long night ahead finishing off my case commentaries and my presentation. the camp itself was not too bad. not sure what I expected, but definitely i feel slightly satisfied. the organisation appears to be what i've been looking for - the community service bit, and the buddhism bit. but obviously there is a lot more politics behind the scene than i can see, and that's the real test isn't it? whether they are still able to achieve what they set out to achieve, or whether its just another avenue for segregation, a little taiwanese club. nevertheless, i am hopeful. the biggest shock for me is how much of a generation gap i perceive between some of the people in the camp, and me. i mean, you wouldn't think a few years makes that much of a difference, right? but there they were, 16 to 18 year olds, and i share none of their interests and obsessions. perhaps its because they watch taiwanese tv, listen to taiwanese music, and follow taiwanese sport, and i don't. then again, it may just be that i am an boring old fart.

patient stories

i have realised that what i enjoy in clinical practice is the stories of people's lives i meet. that only comes through continuity of care. that is why general practice, oncology and obstetrics appeal to me so much. and that is why surgery, although technically exciting, leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. in general practice, well, in the old days, anyway, your patient's lives become a story that you know. now, with people moving about all the time, this seems to be fading. in oncology, especially in the terminal cases, you can be with them till the end. and as long as you can deal with people dying and futility of your actions, and as long as you enjoy working in a team - you will be okay. in obstetrics - well, that's a no brainer. you follow the patient for about 10 months, and watch their baby grow. and then, sometimes, they have another baby. or five. ahh... the satisfaction of finishing a good book. damn i love a good story. i could never be a vet - i'm scared of animals. jobs dedicated to the creation and accumulation of wealth, ugh! but if i couldn't be a doctor, i think i'd love to be a historian, or a biographer, or a jounalist.

OBGYN: spectator sport

four weeks into obstetrics and gynaecology and i think i am ready to move on. there is so much hope and despair around pregnancies. i am just a spectator and even then sometimes it seems like its too much and i will implode from all these emotions. joy and anxiety, relief and disbelief, fear and resignation. it will be gynaecology next week and i look forward to it. here at last i may find acceptance. simple, pure, logical. death comes to all. it may be a friend in the end. one may grow fond of it, but should never strive for it.