having pestered andrew hanson (hmo manager) for weeks, he has finally delivered the goods: the jim gay unit/gandarra job will now be a hmo2 rotation next year. yep, i have succeeded in altering the course of history, or at least the make up of the medical team at the queen elizabeth hospital. whoa!
of course, this means i am staying in ballarat next year. i don't have to worry about applications or interviews for another year. it's a great relief, and also a big cop out. ballarat is the general second year, the palliative care rotation, the comfort of already knowing the people and the system, the closeness to melbourne. but it is also the easy way out. i can have a general second year and do a palliative care rotation at many other hospitals. i can be in melbourne (although that's not really what i want). as for my comfort level, well, there's no question: i learn more when i am challenged. i might have looked into it a bit more...
anyway, it is decided. like lou said, what seems eons ago, there can be no wrong decision. and in the mean time, we drift along, becoming what we will, further away from our innocent beginnings, losing our daring, backing ourselves into a hole, closing our eyes against the world.
22.7.06
9.7.06
you am i
you am i @ the forum, melbourne - 7/7/06
an awesome venue shrouded in home grown and international music history; great music: a perfect mix of new numbers and old favourites; a dedicated crowd determined to have a good time; and a band at the height of their powers, when everything is possible and wonderful. these were the ingredients that made up the fantastic live music phenomenon at the forum that night.
we were second row from the barrier. there was a swooning chick next to me who screamed all night and whispered 'god he's beautiful' next to my ear. bucko was behind me, getting pumped up by one of his favourite bands. the moshing was controlled until Jewels and Bullets, then the front ten rows just went nuts. a few people surfed the crowd. i lost myself. my infatuated neighbour proudly announced that she had just came. it was like that.
afterwards, trudging in the rain to the car, we were decided. we would quit our jobs and become roadies next year.
an awesome venue shrouded in home grown and international music history; great music: a perfect mix of new numbers and old favourites; a dedicated crowd determined to have a good time; and a band at the height of their powers, when everything is possible and wonderful. these were the ingredients that made up the fantastic live music phenomenon at the forum that night.
we were second row from the barrier. there was a swooning chick next to me who screamed all night and whispered 'god he's beautiful' next to my ear. bucko was behind me, getting pumped up by one of his favourite bands. the moshing was controlled until Jewels and Bullets, then the front ten rows just went nuts. a few people surfed the crowd. i lost myself. my infatuated neighbour proudly announced that she had just came. it was like that.
afterwards, trudging in the rain to the car, we were decided. we would quit our jobs and become roadies next year.
4.7.06
back to the future
my life, filled with death and dying.
rest in peace, andrew 'bird' drendel. you lived your life with great nobility. you refused to become your disease, but rather accepted it and gained strength from it. good on you mate.
did a deal with the devil this afternoon and i'm going back to the queen elizabeth hospital for my final rotation this year, instead of doing the gastro/onc job which looked increasingly like a dud. i hope im not making a big mistake, but what the hell, palliative care is what i want to do. and i can do the onc job next year. all this is due to mika taking the rest of the year off. just one of those things, i know, but i'm sorry it's happened. hope it all goes well mate.
*
ACT FOUR, SCENE ONE
A single spotlight comes onto a bare stage. There stands GALAXY in the uniform of junior doctors: a cheap shirt, a cheap gaudy tie, cheap battered shoes, cheap well-worn stethoscope, a clipboard containing path slips and progress notes, and, of course, a pager. GALAXY is alone. He looks alone. He exudes loneliness.
GALAXY
Internship. It's supposed to be a lot of things. But what is it really? It is our first glimpse of reality, our first taste of truth. And like all truths, this one inevitably scares the shit out of you. But, again, like all truths, you cannot run away from it. (Pauses) Camus said when reality clashes with what we think the world should be like, we experience the absurd. Internship is one such experience. At the end of medical school, our ideals of medicine culminate towards graduation. And then, irreversibly, brutally, it is destroyed on our first day as interns. And every single day afterwards, it is destroyed again and again. Until, one day, we give in. (Pauses again) But Camus always points a way out of this conundrum. (A giant image of QI'S nose flashes up again, with GALAXY pushing a giant boulder up the steep incline) Like that wily old man Sisyphus, every now and then, when we've overcome a particularly difficult family member, or a particularly idiotic nurse, or got that particularly bitch of an IV cannulation, we get to feel good about ourselves, and say, hey, I'm a real doctor, and this is not so bad after all.
Curtain close
rest in peace, andrew 'bird' drendel. you lived your life with great nobility. you refused to become your disease, but rather accepted it and gained strength from it. good on you mate.
did a deal with the devil this afternoon and i'm going back to the queen elizabeth hospital for my final rotation this year, instead of doing the gastro/onc job which looked increasingly like a dud. i hope im not making a big mistake, but what the hell, palliative care is what i want to do. and i can do the onc job next year. all this is due to mika taking the rest of the year off. just one of those things, i know, but i'm sorry it's happened. hope it all goes well mate.
*
ACT FOUR, SCENE ONE
A single spotlight comes onto a bare stage. There stands GALAXY in the uniform of junior doctors: a cheap shirt, a cheap gaudy tie, cheap battered shoes, cheap well-worn stethoscope, a clipboard containing path slips and progress notes, and, of course, a pager. GALAXY is alone. He looks alone. He exudes loneliness.
GALAXY
Internship. It's supposed to be a lot of things. But what is it really? It is our first glimpse of reality, our first taste of truth. And like all truths, this one inevitably scares the shit out of you. But, again, like all truths, you cannot run away from it. (Pauses) Camus said when reality clashes with what we think the world should be like, we experience the absurd. Internship is one such experience. At the end of medical school, our ideals of medicine culminate towards graduation. And then, irreversibly, brutally, it is destroyed on our first day as interns. And every single day afterwards, it is destroyed again and again. Until, one day, we give in. (Pauses again) But Camus always points a way out of this conundrum. (A giant image of QI'S nose flashes up again, with GALAXY pushing a giant boulder up the steep incline) Like that wily old man Sisyphus, every now and then, when we've overcome a particularly difficult family member, or a particularly idiotic nurse, or got that particularly bitch of an IV cannulation, we get to feel good about ourselves, and say, hey, I'm a real doctor, and this is not so bad after all.
Curtain close
2.7.06
the bandaid solution
just got home from my first cover weekend in general medicine. i've covered before, of course, on monday nights, on queen's birthday, and at the queen elizabeth, but two fourteen hour days of running around seeing patients that are not mine have left me exhausted. it's a constant stream of decision making. i better get used to this, a part of me says, if i ever want to become a medical registrar. but another part of me says, don't ever become a medical registrar.
when i'm tired, i make dodgy decisions. i eat crap food, i screw up conversations, and i miss veins during cannulation. but these things are all forgivable. what is not forgivable is when i become insensitive and hurt people, run risks on my patient's behalf, and neglect to write good handover notes.
i must stop thinking 'she'll be right' and make sure i take time off for coffee. booyah.
*
ACT THREE, SCENE FOUR
It is the end of spring. We are on the verge of summer and the leaves of the trees are brilliant green. There are shafts of sunlight bursting through the canopy down onto the ground. The music of birds fill the air and on the footpath next to the drinking fountain are JANE and GALAXY. They are both completed buggered after a ten-kilometre run. JANE'S chest is heaving and her red tank top rises and falls as she tries to regain her breath. Her legs are brown and shines with sweat. GALAXY is lying crumpled on the grass next to the footpath, his sweatshirt is drenched and he looks like he's having an asthma attack. Except he's not of course. He's Asian. Asian people don't get asthma.
JANE
(Gasping) That - was - pretty - awesome.
GALAXY
(Struggles to breath) That's - one - way - of - putting - it.
JANE
(Slowly regaining her breath) You nearly ran over that dog back there. Haha. That was hilarious.
GALAXY
That's what happens when I don't look at where I'm going.
JANE
What the hell were you looking at then?
GALAXY
Uh.
He was checking out her arse.
GALAXY
I don't remember.
JANE
Yeah right. I bet you were checking out that blonde chick with the big boobs.
GALAXY
I swear I wasn't.
JANE pauses to drink from the water fountain. She gets some water on her tank top. One of her nipples becomes pronounced in the process. GALAXY is struggling to maintain his cool. He finally seems to make up his mind.
GALAXY
Hey I've been meaning to tell you something.
JANE
Yeah what? Have you finally won your battle with those self-retracting IV cannulas?
GALAXY
Well, one of my patients died today.
JANE
Oh really? Was he one of your favourites?
GALAXY
She. She was a cat. For some reason she's been here since my first rotation. And now she dies. On my last rotation. I've known her for like, a whole year, man.
JANE
Far out. (Pauses and reaches out to hold GALAXY'S hand) I'm so sorry. (Pauses again) What do you mean she was a cat?
GALAXY
It's a long story. (Grasps JANE'S hand tighter and lifts it up to his face) And, afterwards, I had to certify death, and believe me, her death certificate was a piece of really complicated mambo jumbo, but after that, I was just kinda slumped at the write up desk. It was, like, my whole life has been wasted.
JANE
Don't think like that. People die. That's what happens. It's just harder when we get to know them. That's why we have professional boundaries. That's why we have friends and family outside of medicine and work to remind us of what is real and important in our lives.
GALAXY
Well, that's just it. (Stares intently at JANE'S nipple over the top of her hand) That's what I realised. What is important to me? I mean, killing uber-Diablo; and my homebrew; and playing stupid card games.
JANE
Right…
GALAXY
No, let me finish! And you. You are important to me. Most of all.
JANE
(Suddenly realises where this is going) Uh…
GALAXY
I have seen the way you look at me. The way you looked at me the other day, when we were walking back to the hospital after the run…
JANE
(Laughs) That's because you had birdshit all over your hair and you didn't realise it.
GALAXY
(Falters) But… how about the way your knees touched mine the other day during grand rounds?
JANE
They did? That was an accident, I assure you. Oh yeah, that's because that RALPH guy sat down next to me. He's a real creep.
GALAXY
(Defeated and crestfallen) Oh. Oh! (Pauses) What's RALPH doing at a grand round anyway?
JANE
Exactly. How creepy.
GALAXY
But I think… I think I love you.
JANE
Gary. Gary. I can't. I have a girlfriend. And we're just running buddies. And anyway we work together. We can't be going out. It'd never work. Work relationships never work out. They just don't. And in the end… it'd be a disaster!
GALAXY
How can you say that without - without giving it a go?! What if it works? What if we are great together?
JANE
Well, the fact still remains that I am a lesbian and I already have a girlfriend.
GALAXY
What? You're a lesbian? Who is your girlfriend?
JANE
Uh, well, actually, she works at the hospital…
GALAXY
Did you just say that work relationships never work out?
JANE
Um… I did, didn't I?
GALAXY
Who is she?
JANE
Well, I don't know if you know her, but her name is GINGER.
Blackout
when i'm tired, i make dodgy decisions. i eat crap food, i screw up conversations, and i miss veins during cannulation. but these things are all forgivable. what is not forgivable is when i become insensitive and hurt people, run risks on my patient's behalf, and neglect to write good handover notes.
i must stop thinking 'she'll be right' and make sure i take time off for coffee. booyah.
*
ACT THREE, SCENE FOUR
It is the end of spring. We are on the verge of summer and the leaves of the trees are brilliant green. There are shafts of sunlight bursting through the canopy down onto the ground. The music of birds fill the air and on the footpath next to the drinking fountain are JANE and GALAXY. They are both completed buggered after a ten-kilometre run. JANE'S chest is heaving and her red tank top rises and falls as she tries to regain her breath. Her legs are brown and shines with sweat. GALAXY is lying crumpled on the grass next to the footpath, his sweatshirt is drenched and he looks like he's having an asthma attack. Except he's not of course. He's Asian. Asian people don't get asthma.
JANE
(Gasping) That - was - pretty - awesome.
GALAXY
(Struggles to breath) That's - one - way - of - putting - it.
JANE
(Slowly regaining her breath) You nearly ran over that dog back there. Haha. That was hilarious.
GALAXY
That's what happens when I don't look at where I'm going.
JANE
What the hell were you looking at then?
GALAXY
Uh.
He was checking out her arse.
GALAXY
I don't remember.
JANE
Yeah right. I bet you were checking out that blonde chick with the big boobs.
GALAXY
I swear I wasn't.
JANE pauses to drink from the water fountain. She gets some water on her tank top. One of her nipples becomes pronounced in the process. GALAXY is struggling to maintain his cool. He finally seems to make up his mind.
GALAXY
Hey I've been meaning to tell you something.
JANE
Yeah what? Have you finally won your battle with those self-retracting IV cannulas?
GALAXY
Well, one of my patients died today.
JANE
Oh really? Was he one of your favourites?
GALAXY
She. She was a cat. For some reason she's been here since my first rotation. And now she dies. On my last rotation. I've known her for like, a whole year, man.
JANE
Far out. (Pauses and reaches out to hold GALAXY'S hand) I'm so sorry. (Pauses again) What do you mean she was a cat?
GALAXY
It's a long story. (Grasps JANE'S hand tighter and lifts it up to his face) And, afterwards, I had to certify death, and believe me, her death certificate was a piece of really complicated mambo jumbo, but after that, I was just kinda slumped at the write up desk. It was, like, my whole life has been wasted.
JANE
Don't think like that. People die. That's what happens. It's just harder when we get to know them. That's why we have professional boundaries. That's why we have friends and family outside of medicine and work to remind us of what is real and important in our lives.
GALAXY
Well, that's just it. (Stares intently at JANE'S nipple over the top of her hand) That's what I realised. What is important to me? I mean, killing uber-Diablo; and my homebrew; and playing stupid card games.
JANE
Right…
GALAXY
No, let me finish! And you. You are important to me. Most of all.
JANE
(Suddenly realises where this is going) Uh…
GALAXY
I have seen the way you look at me. The way you looked at me the other day, when we were walking back to the hospital after the run…
JANE
(Laughs) That's because you had birdshit all over your hair and you didn't realise it.
GALAXY
(Falters) But… how about the way your knees touched mine the other day during grand rounds?
JANE
They did? That was an accident, I assure you. Oh yeah, that's because that RALPH guy sat down next to me. He's a real creep.
GALAXY
(Defeated and crestfallen) Oh. Oh! (Pauses) What's RALPH doing at a grand round anyway?
JANE
Exactly. How creepy.
GALAXY
But I think… I think I love you.
JANE
Gary. Gary. I can't. I have a girlfriend. And we're just running buddies. And anyway we work together. We can't be going out. It'd never work. Work relationships never work out. They just don't. And in the end… it'd be a disaster!
GALAXY
How can you say that without - without giving it a go?! What if it works? What if we are great together?
JANE
Well, the fact still remains that I am a lesbian and I already have a girlfriend.
GALAXY
What? You're a lesbian? Who is your girlfriend?
JANE
Uh, well, actually, she works at the hospital…
GALAXY
Did you just say that work relationships never work out?
JANE
Um… I did, didn't I?
GALAXY
Who is she?
JANE
Well, I don't know if you know her, but her name is GINGER.
Blackout
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