first timer

got to do cpr for the first time this morning. it's damn hard work. you think you've been pumping for two minutes and the clock mocks you: thirty seconds. can we check for output yet? three of us formed a cpr chain. the guy made it back. cool.

started nights yesterday. it was pretty quiet. the chaos and excitement of the train crash had ebbed by the time i punched in at 10pm. the whole things sounds pretty crazy, really: what the fuck was that truck doing on the tracks? silly bugger.

*

ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR

We now find ourselves in the cafeteria. The scene is lit with a harsh fluorescent glow. There is a table with three chairs around it on the left side of the stage. A spotlight illuminates this area. In the background the former triage window now has “Kaffe Olé” written over it in an embellished neon font. GALAXY sits at the table, orientated to face the left of the stage. He pokes at a small plastic container with a plastic fork, unable or unwilling to pick up a morsel of food. He is dressed in scrubs, his other clothes having been blasted with cat shit. GINGER has washed his hair for him and swept it back over his head, creating a windblown, shifty look.

GALAXY
I have travelled far… so far…

(A microwave beeps in the background)

GALAXY
Now I stand at the end of the world, alone. Each day I awake anew, the events of the past impact not upon me. I have only the stains of memory, dried, indelible, stiffened residues. Have I not lived as a normal man? Why have the forks in my roads led me inexorably to this end? There is no life. There is no unity in experience, it is a RANDOM collection of unconnected events, each with no influence on the other. My skin is no barrier against the relentless encroachment of reality. The tendrils of mindless fate dig in to my wretched flesh. I do not swim, for I will drown.

An image of the eternal QI flashes across the scene. Scary whacked out music plays. The coins covering his eyes flip, both turning up tails.

JANE walks onto the stage and up to the window of “Kaffe Olé”. The lights soften to a warm glow. She is fairly short, dressed in a white wrap dress emblazoned with impossibly vivid sunflowers. She must have taut, muscular calves. She turns from the Kaffe window with two cups of coffee and walks towards the table.

(Technical note – the floor is actually a perforated grate. When JANE turns from the window and walks to the table, artificial grass is pushed up from underneath the stage and emerges through the perforations. Her heavenly step conjures living grass from the lifeless and besmirched cafeteria floor to suddenly create the impression that they are sitting in an open field.)

JANE sits down at the table opposite GALAXY. It is clear from the lie of her dress that she has a brilliant arse.

JANE
(Sliding the coffee over to GALAXY) You look like you could use this.

GALAXY
Thank you…

JANE
I’m JANE. One of the interns

GALAXY
I’m… (contemplates)… Dr Wong. Also one of the interns.
(Pause. A wry grin.)
We have something in common.

JANE smirks and looks off into the distance.

GALAXY
So… do you play computer games?

JANE
Hmmmm?

GALAXY
What rotation are you doing?

JANE
Surgery. My registrar is a real idiot.

GALAXY
Fuck, that is my next rotation.

JANE’S face darkens.

GALAXY
Do you like animals?

JANE
Yes! I love cats.

An image of the eternal QI flashes across the stage. He is smiling his Cheshire cat grin.

JANE
Hey, what’s your first name? I didn’t catch it.

GALAXY
It’s uh, Gary.

JANE
Are you happy Gary?

(GARY)
(Morosely, looking down at table) Gary is happy, yes.

JANE
You don’t look happy.

(GARY)
I’m having a rough night.

JANE
Well, one day we won’t have to bother with any of this. What do you want to do eventually?

(GARY)
I don’t know.

JANE
You must have some idea.

(GARY)
Well… I want to do something extraordinary.

JANE
Like what?

(GARY)
I don’t know.

JANE
Like exploring other galaxies or something?

(GARY)
I… I don’t know.

JANE
I envy you, being able to think like that at 3am on a Tuesday morning. At times like these all I can think about is travelling the world, and doing nothing of any importance whatsoever.

(GARY)
Yes, I too have travelled far…

JANE’S pager goes off.

JANE
When you do something extraordinary, let me know. (Laughs) I suppose I’ll hear about it anyway though.

GALAXY smiles painfully.

JANE
(Gets up to leave) See you round Gary.

JANE leaves the stage. The grass is withdrawn through the grate. The light turns back to a harsh fluorescence. In the background two saxophones play a minor 7th interval.