townsville

a lush green town spread out between hills, a wetness in the air i can smell, the air really warm on the skin, taxi-drivers conversation riddled with "fucken", an ugly rocky island, lots of young families with kids. actually it felt kinda like a tropical adelaide: new buildings filled with no-one, empty streets lined with soul-less shops, and yellow street lamps.

sea-kayaking was fun. so was learning sign language - now that is random. a long lunch passionately arguing then pleasantly ignoring. v for vandetta. a morning spent at the aquarium. thanks dude.

*

ACT ONE, SCENE TWO

The stage is in total darkness. A spotlight comes on, illuminating the hunched figure of GALAXY sitting next to a phone. He is rehearsing what he is about to say to the surgical registrar.

GALAXY
Hello. It's Galaxy, one of the interns in the ED. I've got a 47 year old cat… er… lady. FUCK! Hello. It's William Osler, I've got a 47 year old woman with severe abdominal pain, washboard abdomen, red current jelly stool, and bowel infarction confirmed on high resolution MRI, get down here right away…

The phone rings. Another spotlight comes on revealing WAXY, the surgical registrar and amateur brain model. He speaks with an Azerbaijani accent untempered by many years in Australia. He is dressed in pastel scrubs. Behind him is a small bed. It contains a dishevelled GINGER.

WAXY
This is God speaking.

GALAXY
Hello?

WAXY
You are a chess piece on a giant interstellar chessboard.

GALAXY
I've got this 47 year old cat… (quietly) Fuck. Woman. With some pain.

WAXY
Ah, where is the pain?

GALAXY
It's…

WAXY
It is ok my friend. The pain is in all of us.

GALAXY
She has abdominal pain. She's been here for 20 hours. Please fucking take her.

WAXY
Abominable pain. I see. Does she have acute abdomen?

GALAXY
I've seen better.

WAXY
What is your name?

GALAXY
Galaxy Wong.

WAXY
Say again?

GALAXY
Galaxy fucking Wong

WAXY
Spell?

There is a click on the phone. The switchboard has accidentally conferenced the call with an angry family member ANNA waiting to speak to the on call intern about her father.

ANNA
Hello, I would like to speak to a doctor about my father's serious condition.

WAXY
Hello. You are woman, yes?

GALAXY
Who the fuck is this? You sound strangely familiar.

ANNA
Who is this?

GALAXY
Galaxy Wong

WAXY
Spell?

ANNA
Noooooo…

A voice comes over the ED LOUDSPEAKER:

LOUDSPEAKER
Paging Dr Battlestar Wong. Please review your cat 5 patient immediately.

WAXY
Patient is cat?

GALAXY
Uh… fuck.

WAXY
Non-human patients go under gen med.

ANNA
I wish we could have gotten along better.

GINGER
(yawning) Come back to bed.

WAXY
I am alfalfa male.

The light over WAXY and GINGER dims. Leaving GALAXY alone in a pool of light. He puts the phone down and sighs with a superhuman fatigue. In the background, 'Le Sacrifice du Terre' begins to play. A projected image appears across the whole stage. It shows GALAXY pushing a gigantic spiked ball up a steep incline. The image zooms back to reveal that the incline is in fact the nose of the eternal QI. His eyes are covered with coins. GALAXY struggles manfully with the ball, which grows bigger with each step. He now cannot move it at all, and the ball begins to roll backward slightly. Everything then gives way, GALAXY falls beneath the path of the ball and is impaled on a gigantic barbed spike. Zooming out rapidly we see the ball rolling down the nose and off the tip. A giant finger reaches up and scratches the nose of the eternal QI.

Lights dim.