the path least taken

in living there are two opposing attitudes that struggle to guide our actions. they stem consciously or unconsciously from the futility of our existence in the universe. one can either fight the pointlessness of all our actions by imposing our set of values on them, to give them our on interpretation, to justify them with our ethics, to follow our irrelevant dreams; or, we try and become one with the universe, and listen to its moods, follow the changes in the seasons, be guided by its whims. sometimes when we take the first path our set of beliefs fall short and we are confronted with the sense of futility that we strive to deny, and it threatens to overwhelm us. i see this sometimes in the emergency department of at the kids' hospital. what do you mean there's nothing you can do? how can this happen to my little girl? there must be something/someone to blame - even if it is me. it is hard, there's no denying it. but it is harder to take the second path. who is willing to watch their child suffer? even doctors will try and fight the inevitable, even when they know it is useless. even when they know there is no one at fault. it is, after all, their sanity that is on the line.