burn out

the last two weeks have really taken it out of me:
- the dramatic codes on my surgical cover weekend;
- working through a moderately severe viral illness;
- my registrar going away for two weeks;
- covering for other interns who were sick or away;
- one of my favourite patients dying unexpectedly;
- struggling against my consultants refusing to let one of my patients die.

i like to think i'm usually a fairly competent and caring doctor. but last night on my cover evening i found myself not caring. i hate it when i'm like that. i had a chat to kate, my cover buddy (she covers the medical units while i look after the surgical ones), and she explained it so well. we invest so much emotional energy into our job, our patients, and usually we are rewarded in return. our patients and their families trust us, people get better, getting things organised and running smoothly. but when we get a run of futile tasks, our patients dying or not getting better, running around in circles making and then cancelling surgical lists and radiology investigations due to factors outside our control, we get frustrated, and burn out.

so today i called in sick. slept in. went and saw my gp. cooked up a massive lunch full of green veges, tomotoes and mushrooms. did a load of washing. going for a drive with jonno. planning to play tennis with kate. perhaps a few drinks later at thirsty thursday. perhaps not. turn in early. do my arts assignment tomorrow. wash my sheets. clean the house. go visit dunno in melbourne. it will be good for me.