the end of the beginning

today i turn 23. the age at which I will graduate from uni and begin full time work. i've never been one for big birthday celebrations. it is simply another day, although perhaps one on which people tend to reflect more on their existence, like new years day. a moment to pause, to consolidate the past and plan for the future. some would say it is a cause for celebration (kind of like funerals, really). for after all the only true currency we possess is time, granted by this spark that inhabits my body and distinguishes it from a cadaver. but i feel too weary to celebrate anything today. it's been a busy few weeks of uni and yearbook things, and i'm not looking forward to the early starts and late finishes of the surgical block. and lately, i have been feeling quite sedated. it seems as if i have been waiting for something to jolt me into action, to inspire me to attempt great deeds. but there are so many daily distractions that crowd my thoughts that maybe i've missed the call to arms.

when i was little i used hate sleeping. i used to feel indignant that i had to go to bed before the saturday night movies came on. mum used to use the delaying tactic on me: when you're at uni, you can stay up as long as you like, rent and watch as many videos as you want. so i waited impatiently for that time to arrive. but now, the bed constantly calls my name, and only rarely do i have the energy or time to sit in front of a movie. there isn't enough hours in a day to do everything, and the only thing i seem to be able to skip is sleep. my coffee in the morning is getting blacker, my heartburn and palpitations getting worse from the caffeine, and my concentration wanders more and more...

so perhaps i shouldn't underestimate the power of a birthday. it is time for action. it is time for sleep. it is time to cultivate that spark of life. thank you everyone who's messaged me and sent me cards. you guys are the only other true currency i possess and treasure.

"now this is not the end. it is not even the beginning of the end. but it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
- winston churchill, november 10, 1942.