no more black hole

i'm sick of my mood swings. they've become a big problem recently, occurring more frequently and with greater intensity, interfering with my life. talking to min helped me clarify things in my mind: when people irritate me, i bristle and confront rather than reason or tolerate; when i'm in a bad mood, i seek attention by antagonising others around me; when i disgust myself i want other people to hate me too, so i can feed my negative thoughts; indulging in the darker emotions of my personality makes it contagious, contaminating others around me. after reading one of the posts on lou's blog, i've realised what this all means: i'm hurting my friends and isolating myself from people i care about. i've got to fight it, brave the stormy waves a bit rather than sinking to the bottom. i don't want to be a "fucking ray of sunshine" - i just don't want to be a black hole.