wish you were here

23.5.07

weddings

been to a couple of weddings recently. they are simply filled with warm-fuzziness. clare and heath strolled into the sunlight together in swan hill. taisia and thommo kissed every time we tapped our glasses in ascot vale. we danced and ate and drank and caught up with old friends. aww...

surviving rehab. no registrar this week. consultant away for the next two weeks. and im on conference leave for a couple of days as well! it's just ridiculous. five more weeks to go.

i think i'll go to new york for my annual leave.

27.4.07

look at me, im a viral mess

nothing like two sleepless nights up spent hugging a bathroom basin being sick to give you a different perspective on reality.

i thought i hated my life. my stupid consultant. the drudgery of paperwork. the absence of a love life (or any life outside work, come to think of it). it slipped out innocently one evening while i was sitting on the couch. how wrong i was.

i never realised how happy a person can be just to sleep through one night without being woken up by waves of nausea, abdominal pain, headache or fever.

oh. im on call this weekend. fuck.

8.4.07

home (or the closest thing to it)

surprisingly, im back in brisbane for two days.

a total lack of desire to return meant that, when mum's last minute nagging finally got to my conscience, the tickets i bought were twice as expensive than they normally are. but i paid for them, much to ange's disgust: what else is a man supposed to do?

home means the usual family dramas, but the beauty of a quick weekend visit means everyone is on their best behaviour. we're all still putting up with each other's bad habits and banalities. so i sit and read my magazine and books. ang hides in his room making love to his laptop. mum sleeps and cooks. dad wanders around trying to impress everyone but we've all become quite good at ignoring him. one day his ego will surely fail and then he'll be reduced to a sorry blob. then we might take pity on him and give him some of our time and his much craved attention. i love him, i really do. but he's only tolerable in small doses.

ang was angry that i never called him. he accused me of calling my friends more than i call him. this is true. but i find i have nothing to say to him. we have no common ground on which to share or build dreams. maybe im just not trying hard enough.

mum is telling me the same thing. i am calling her less and less. i don't listen. why have i became such an inpatient, cruel person? catherine is right: i snap so quickly these days. in the past i used to put up with so much, waiting for the beautiful moment to justify all my hanging around. now i just walk out. instant gratification is what im after. i detest what im evolving into. im sure its work thats doing this to me. i must rediscover meaning.

speaking of instant gratifications. heres the latest toy:

2.3.07

snapshots

work is stale. but i love the people i'm working with. rosie is a most fantastic consultant. but she is such a shit magnet. it seems like every time she's on the ward someone crashes. the nurses are friends that look out for me. as a team we're a well-oiled machine, working like a dream. i could just never leave...
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they stuffed up my enrolment. i won't be doing an arts subject this term. but i've signed up to do the physicians training lectures. i feel as if i'm back in first year again: incredibly stupid, scared shitless.
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living with brumbles and aaron is very different to living with jono. my life is lacking far-out conversations. we skate around each others superficialities. i feel numb at home. insulated. bored.