brain drain

i haven't listened to music for ages. i used to, every day, on the way to and from work. my little ipod shuffle blasting at my half-deaf ears. these days i shuffle along (and sometimes, catch the tram, filled with guilt) still trying to wake up or slowly sinking back into a daze. i tell myself it's so i can pay more attention to my surroundings, see and hear what is going on in the world around me. but that's a lie - i am oblivious to it all. work. sleep. work sleep...

nor do i read or write any more. it's such a battle trying to describe a feeling, or recall a moment. its as if im banging my head repeatedly against a wall. my brain is lead; thoughts stifled just as they are born; instead of ideas and emotions bursting to express themselves, there is only emptiness behind my eyes. oh how far have i fallen since... i don't remember...