home (or the closest thing to it)

surprisingly, im back in brisbane for two days.

a total lack of desire to return meant that, when mum's last minute nagging finally got to my conscience, the tickets i bought were twice as expensive than they normally are. but i paid for them, much to ange's disgust: what else is a man supposed to do?

home means the usual family dramas, but the beauty of a quick weekend visit means everyone is on their best behaviour. we're all still putting up with each other's bad habits and banalities. so i sit and read my magazine and books. ang hides in his room making love to his laptop. mum sleeps and cooks. dad wanders around trying to impress everyone but we've all become quite good at ignoring him. one day his ego will surely fail and then he'll be reduced to a sorry blob. then we might take pity on him and give him some of our time and his much craved attention. i love him, i really do. but he's only tolerable in small doses.

ang was angry that i never called him. he accused me of calling my friends more than i call him. this is true. but i find i have nothing to say to him. we have no common ground on which to share or build dreams. maybe im just not trying hard enough.

mum is telling me the same thing. i am calling her less and less. i don't listen. why have i became such an inpatient, cruel person? catherine is right: i snap so quickly these days. in the past i used to put up with so much, waiting for the beautiful moment to justify all my hanging around. now i just walk out. instant gratification is what im after. i detest what im evolving into. im sure its work thats doing this to me. i must rediscover meaning.

speaking of instant gratifications. heres the latest toy: